The Biggest FOMO Ever: A New Decade and Its Arbitrary Meaning
Having aged into a new decade, I have found myself handing over undeserved meaning to what is an otherwise pretty arbitrary milestone. So, I decided to figure out why.
As I watch my kids grow into young men and as I grow older, it has dawned on me that if all goes well, I’ll probably be gone around the time my kids arrive at my current milestone. Of course, I get it – I could die any moment in any number of ways. But I believe in averages since, well, they are averages. So, I probably won’t die tomorrow. And if I do die tomorrow, well, that’s that.
So, I am just coming to terms with the obvious notion that time isn’t endless. But I’m also don’t want to morph into a trying- to-live-every-single-second-to-its-fullest-potential-because-it-may-be-my-last person. That seems exasperating. I’d like to be able to waste some time now and then without feeling like I’m subtracting it from an all-too-finite amount of time left on the proverbial clock that I can’t see.
But what is the thing nagging at me? I don’t think I am being fatalistic. It’s not that I fear dying. I don’t. And not because I’m a brave soul. I’m not. I just don’t think it’s right around the corner. And I’m concerned with what happens after. I’ll be scattered about at a location of my choosing, or more likely, wherever the chosen scatterer decides to scatter. That’s it.
Rather, I am experiencing fear’s emotional cousin–dread. I dread the thought of not being around, because I don’t want to miss out on things. It’s possibly the worst case of FOMO ever. A permanent FOMO on life. I’m having too much fun watching my kids' journeys to accept that I won’t witness their whole story. And what about the experiences I haven’t experienced? I don’t even know what they could be but I know that I could be missing out.
So I’ll cop to feeling a little pressure to make these next years (not seconds) count. I may not be around for this part of my kids' lives, but they are around for mine. And I want to make them proud and even more importantly, I want to be around them as much as I can without irritating the shit out of them. And yes, I want to be more open to different experiences since every experience is one thing off the future FOMO list. Time to start whittling that thing down.
I also realize that nothing I have said is unusual or new. Indeed, it’s downright mundane and certainly doesn’t contain some smart take-away. Mainly, this is me just noodling through it.
At the end of the day, what I have realized is how lucky I am to dread missing out on any part of the future. For someone who often sees the glass as half empty and with holes in it, I’d say that’s pretty optimistic. I’ll take it.